How to Rap: The Art and Science of the Hip-Hop MC Book.. Yay or Nay?
By:Brandon Ezzard (AKA Lil’ KidWritingAReviewThatYouShouldBePayingAttentionToRatherThanMyUnusuallyLongName AKA M.C. IhAvEnOiMaGiNaTiOn)
March 2, 2011.
Now, Del the Funky Homosapien of Hieroglyphics, O.C. of Diggin’ In The Crates, Oj Da Juiceman–Just 3 of grammy-winning potential artist of today’s time giving readers their inspiring input on How To: Rap for all of BET/Black And Yellow viewers out there, not how to; explore the ancient Pyramids of Egypt, find your dusty—yet fashionable Walkman in the ‘old junk’ box in your closet, nor increase your chances of being related to the Kool-Aid Man.
Think when: Drakes IQ was higher than his weight, Lil Wayne’s ego was smaller than his forehead, and Willow Smith would Whip Her Hair Back And Forth rather than learn her times tables. Experienced old-school artist of all generations in one!
Here’s a sample portion of the book to help interest you in a purchase TODAY!
"Step One:
First, try to be something, literally anything other than a rapper--If you just got lost in thoughts of Wiz Khalifa’s weight-to-height ratio or how Nicki Minaj has more plastic than a Happy Meal, then this is the career choice for you! Start off by being the sensitive, creative, creature-looking kid in your high school like Lil’ John, Lil’ Wayne, Drake, or Eminem. Along the way, incorporate your rap knowledge into everyday experiences as much as you can! Would you rather get detention for skipping class or Freestyle Mr. Wheeler, AKA MC Muffin Man for a free-pass and a years worth of bragging rights?
Step Two:
Have as much of a complicated life as possible. Be in abusive relationships like Eminem, shoot yourself in the chest and live to tell the tale like Lil Wayne, or become the local pervert none of the girls want like Soulja Boy. When fans look you up, they’ll need information to hold onto, other than your overpriced ringtones they'll have in their phone or lyrics they post as FB statuses when they don't have anything to say.
Step Three:
Once Step One and Step Two are completed (until you drop out of high-school) start writing! It’s crucial to: write about your past, relationships, where you live, etc. so fans can relate more to your music they’re illegally downloading on iTunes. Also, practice your song structure by transferring your written material onto programs on your computer. Try to get as many wavy Red and Green lines under your words as possible, this means you are writing correctly. Use excessive slang and replace the words like “great” with “fye” and “is” with “are.” Let a friend read the finished product, when it takes them more than an hour to comprehend what you mean, give yourself a round of applause.
(Now all you have to do is hang out with the kids who do drugs and get studio time to make your music.)
Step Four:
Create a Myspace, Twitter, and Facebook page. Make your name known by submitting your art on sites world-renowned for giving petifiles a closer look at your personal identity. Chat with locals and create ‘beef’ (not the tasty food that people with high cholesterol like to eat, but confrontation with other rappers) to have even a better chance at making it.
Step Five:
Stalk the famous producers such as Kanye West or Jay-Z and harass them verbally until you get your big break like J. Cole! After waiting years for your big break after selling tapes out of your run-down car or making a fort out of Tv-Dinner boxes, get signed! Or just put Drake on every hook of your song.
Step Six:
Now that you’re a world renowned award-winning artist, sell your overpriced ringtones, get a tattoo of biblical scriptures on your elbow, or complete your metamorphosis of becoming an alien like Lil Wayne.
Step Seven:
Continue your dream and rap until you’re mid-30s like Eminem, get broke like MC Hammer, turn into the spokesman for random dog poop people would find on the side of the road like Flavor Flav, or die."
Here are some happy responses from the buyers of this book!
"I'd rather knit a sweater while underwater, upside-down, in slow motion rather than buy this"-(Old Lady)
"The perfect valentines gift for all the ladies out there"-(Lil Wayne)
"Thanks How2Rap! Now I pursue my dream and still make less than minimum wage!"-(Homeless Man)
"A waste of ink and paper"-(Average American)
So go out there and spend your money on this life-changing book!!!
March 2, 2011.
Now, Del the Funky Homosapien of Hieroglyphics, O.C. of Diggin’ In The Crates, Oj Da Juiceman–Just 3 of grammy-winning potential artist of today’s time giving readers their inspiring input on How To: Rap for all of BET/Black And Yellow viewers out there, not how to; explore the ancient Pyramids of Egypt, find your dusty—yet fashionable Walkman in the ‘old junk’ box in your closet, nor increase your chances of being related to the Kool-Aid Man.
Think when: Drakes IQ was higher than his weight, Lil Wayne’s ego was smaller than his forehead, and Willow Smith would Whip Her Hair Back And Forth rather than learn her times tables. Experienced old-school artist of all generations in one!
Here’s a sample portion of the book to help interest you in a purchase TODAY!
"Step One:
First, try to be something, literally anything other than a rapper--If you just got lost in thoughts of Wiz Khalifa’s weight-to-height ratio or how Nicki Minaj has more plastic than a Happy Meal, then this is the career choice for you! Start off by being the sensitive, creative, creature-looking kid in your high school like Lil’ John, Lil’ Wayne, Drake, or Eminem. Along the way, incorporate your rap knowledge into everyday experiences as much as you can! Would you rather get detention for skipping class or Freestyle Mr. Wheeler, AKA MC Muffin Man for a free-pass and a years worth of bragging rights?
Step Two:
Have as much of a complicated life as possible. Be in abusive relationships like Eminem, shoot yourself in the chest and live to tell the tale like Lil Wayne, or become the local pervert none of the girls want like Soulja Boy. When fans look you up, they’ll need information to hold onto, other than your overpriced ringtones they'll have in their phone or lyrics they post as FB statuses when they don't have anything to say.
Step Three:
Once Step One and Step Two are completed (until you drop out of high-school) start writing! It’s crucial to: write about your past, relationships, where you live, etc. so fans can relate more to your music they’re illegally downloading on iTunes. Also, practice your song structure by transferring your written material onto programs on your computer. Try to get as many wavy Red and Green lines under your words as possible, this means you are writing correctly. Use excessive slang and replace the words like “great” with “fye” and “is” with “are.” Let a friend read the finished product, when it takes them more than an hour to comprehend what you mean, give yourself a round of applause.
(Now all you have to do is hang out with the kids who do drugs and get studio time to make your music.)
Step Four:
Create a Myspace, Twitter, and Facebook page. Make your name known by submitting your art on sites world-renowned for giving petifiles a closer look at your personal identity. Chat with locals and create ‘beef’ (not the tasty food that people with high cholesterol like to eat, but confrontation with other rappers) to have even a better chance at making it.
Step Five:
Stalk the famous producers such as Kanye West or Jay-Z and harass them verbally until you get your big break like J. Cole! After waiting years for your big break after selling tapes out of your run-down car or making a fort out of Tv-Dinner boxes, get signed! Or just put Drake on every hook of your song.
Step Six:
Now that you’re a world renowned award-winning artist, sell your overpriced ringtones, get a tattoo of biblical scriptures on your elbow, or complete your metamorphosis of becoming an alien like Lil Wayne.
Step Seven:
Continue your dream and rap until you’re mid-30s like Eminem, get broke like MC Hammer, turn into the spokesman for random dog poop people would find on the side of the road like Flavor Flav, or die."
Here are some happy responses from the buyers of this book!
"I'd rather knit a sweater while underwater, upside-down, in slow motion rather than buy this"-(Old Lady)
"The perfect valentines gift for all the ladies out there"-(Lil Wayne)
"Thanks How2Rap! Now I pursue my dream and still make less than minimum wage!"-(Homeless Man)
"A waste of ink and paper"-(Average American)
So go out there and spend your money on this life-changing book!!!
